I'm imagining what I want Hillary Clinton to say that would capture the hearts of America.
Wouldn't it be lovely if she told everyone in the crowd how precious and unique each of them are? And then I imagine her looking into the camera and telling everyone watching out there that they are special and unique also. She would talk about what a miracle we all are and how courageous we are to be here.
I would have Hillary talk about how each of us, because of our uniqueness, is valuable; valuable to the world, to their family and friends, and valuable to the country.
The speech would then pivot a little to talk about how if I, Hillary, were the President I would value each of us equally.
The people in Flint, MI would be valued, the children in our schools would be valued, the young black men of the country would be valued, the police would be valued.
Each of these groups of people contribute to what makes this country great. Each one of them brings something to the table. And each of them should be valued.
I would work to make sure everyone has easy access to clean drinking water, an education that would teach people to think critically and uncover each of our unique gifts. I'd make sure everyone felt that their safety and peace of mind is as important to me as my own.
Because everyone is valued, everyone will be respected. We'll respect each other because that kind of attitude comes from the top and when we have a government run by people that respects everyone and values each of its citizens then it will create policy that shows that.
We won't have laws on our books that help people be dishonest, we'd care about people's food and safety. If an industry is losing market share, we'll have programs that help people learn new skills.
Etc.
That's all I have the patience to think about right now. But, that's what I'd want to see in a speech. And then, I'd want it to really happen.
What a Wonderful World it would be...
Friday, July 22, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Leftland and Rightland
From The New Yorker, July 11 and 18 issue, by George Saunders
"...Where is all this anger coming from? It’s viral, and Trump is Typhoid Mary. Intellectually and emotionally weakened by years of steadily degraded public discourse, we are now two separate ideological countries, LeftLand and RightLand, speaking different languages, the lines between us down. Not only do our two subcountries reason differently; they draw upon non-intersecting data sets and access entirely different mythological systems. You and I approach a castle. One of us has watched only “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” the other only “Game of Thrones.” What is the meaning, to the collective “we,” of yon castle? We have no common basis from which to discuss it. You, the other knight, strike me as bafflingly ignorant, a little unmoored. In the old days, a liberal and a conservative (a “dove” and a “hawk,” say) got their data from one of three nightly news programs, a local paper, and a handful of national magazines, and were thus starting with the same basic facts (even if those facts were questionable, limited, or erroneous). Now each of us constructs a custom informational universe, wittingly (we choose to go to the sources that uphold our existing beliefs and thus flatter us) or unwittingly (our app algorithms do the driving for us). The data we get this way, pre-imprinted with spin and mythos, are intensely one-dimensional. (As a proud knight of LeftLand, I was interested to find that, in RightLand, Vince Foster has still been murdered, Dick Morris is a reliable source, kids are brainwashed “way to the left” by going to college, and Obama may yet be Muslim. I expect that my interviewees found some of my core beliefs equally jaw-dropping.)
A Trump supporter in Fountain Hills asks me, "If you're a liberal, do you believe in the government controlling everything? Because that's what Barry wants to do, and what he's pretty much accomplished." She then makes the (to me, irrational and irritating) claim that more people are on welfare under Obama than ever were under Bush.
"Almost fifty million people," her husband says. "Up thirty per cent."
I make a certain sound I make when I disagree with something but have no facts at my disposal.
Back at the hotel, I Google it.
Damn it, they're right. Rightish.
What I find over the next hour or so, from a collection of Web sites, left, right, and fact-based:
Yes, true: there are approximately seven million more americans in poverty now than when Obama was elected. On the other hand, the economy under Obama has gained about seven times as many jobs as it did under Bush; even given the financial meltdown, the unemployment rate has dropped to just below the historical average. But, yes: the poverty rate is up by 1.6 percentage points since 2008. Then again the number of Americans in poverty fell by nearly 1.2 million between 2012 and 2013. However, true: the proportion of people who depend on welfare for the majority of their income has increased (although it was also increasing under Bush). And under Obama unemployment has dropped, G.D.P. growth has been "robust," and there have been close to seventy straight months of job growth. But, O.K.: there has indeed been a "skyrocketing" in the number of Americans needing some form of means-tested federal aid, although Obama’s initiatives kept some six million people out of poverty in 2009, including more than two million children.
So the couple's assertion was true but not complexly true. It was a nice hammer with which to pop the enemy; i.e., me. Its intent: discredit Obama and the liberal mind-set.
What was my intent as I Googled? Get a hammer of my own, discredit Bush and the conservative mindset.
Meanwhile, there sat reality: huge, ambiguous, too complicated to be usefully assessed by our prevailing mutual ambition—to fight and win, via delivery of the partisan zinger.
LeftLand and RightLand are housemates who are no longer on speaking terms. And then the house is set on fire. By Donald Trump. Good people from both subnations gape at one another through the smoke."
"...Where is all this anger coming from? It’s viral, and Trump is Typhoid Mary. Intellectually and emotionally weakened by years of steadily degraded public discourse, we are now two separate ideological countries, LeftLand and RightLand, speaking different languages, the lines between us down. Not only do our two subcountries reason differently; they draw upon non-intersecting data sets and access entirely different mythological systems. You and I approach a castle. One of us has watched only “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” the other only “Game of Thrones.” What is the meaning, to the collective “we,” of yon castle? We have no common basis from which to discuss it. You, the other knight, strike me as bafflingly ignorant, a little unmoored. In the old days, a liberal and a conservative (a “dove” and a “hawk,” say) got their data from one of three nightly news programs, a local paper, and a handful of national magazines, and were thus starting with the same basic facts (even if those facts were questionable, limited, or erroneous). Now each of us constructs a custom informational universe, wittingly (we choose to go to the sources that uphold our existing beliefs and thus flatter us) or unwittingly (our app algorithms do the driving for us). The data we get this way, pre-imprinted with spin and mythos, are intensely one-dimensional. (As a proud knight of LeftLand, I was interested to find that, in RightLand, Vince Foster has still been murdered, Dick Morris is a reliable source, kids are brainwashed “way to the left” by going to college, and Obama may yet be Muslim. I expect that my interviewees found some of my core beliefs equally jaw-dropping.)
A Trump supporter in Fountain Hills asks me, "If you're a liberal, do you believe in the government controlling everything? Because that's what Barry wants to do, and what he's pretty much accomplished." She then makes the (to me, irrational and irritating) claim that more people are on welfare under Obama than ever were under Bush.
"Almost fifty million people," her husband says. "Up thirty per cent."
I make a certain sound I make when I disagree with something but have no facts at my disposal.
Back at the hotel, I Google it.
Damn it, they're right. Rightish.
What I find over the next hour or so, from a collection of Web sites, left, right, and fact-based:
Yes, true: there are approximately seven million more americans in poverty now than when Obama was elected. On the other hand, the economy under Obama has gained about seven times as many jobs as it did under Bush; even given the financial meltdown, the unemployment rate has dropped to just below the historical average. But, yes: the poverty rate is up by 1.6 percentage points since 2008. Then again the number of Americans in poverty fell by nearly 1.2 million between 2012 and 2013. However, true: the proportion of people who depend on welfare for the majority of their income has increased (although it was also increasing under Bush). And under Obama unemployment has dropped, G.D.P. growth has been "robust," and there have been close to seventy straight months of job growth. But, O.K.: there has indeed been a "skyrocketing" in the number of Americans needing some form of means-tested federal aid, although Obama’s initiatives kept some six million people out of poverty in 2009, including more than two million children.
So the couple's assertion was true but not complexly true. It was a nice hammer with which to pop the enemy; i.e., me. Its intent: discredit Obama and the liberal mind-set.
What was my intent as I Googled? Get a hammer of my own, discredit Bush and the conservative mindset.
Meanwhile, there sat reality: huge, ambiguous, too complicated to be usefully assessed by our prevailing mutual ambition—to fight and win, via delivery of the partisan zinger.
LeftLand and RightLand are housemates who are no longer on speaking terms. And then the house is set on fire. By Donald Trump. Good people from both subnations gape at one another through the smoke."
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Six Words
From Oprah:
A 'mistake' becomes 'experience' when shared - Angela Featherstone
Never keep a compliment to yourself - Samantha Hammer Kadrmas
At a pity party, one drink maximum - Tricia Janosy
Truth doesn't rely on being believed - Dina Hillier
Change the world by being yourself - Amy Poehler, Smart Girls
Pretend impossibilities are possible. They are. Sandi Hemmerlein
It's hard to hate up close - Kareem Moreland
Smile at old people eating alone - Sally Friedman
A 'mistake' becomes 'experience' when shared - Angela Featherstone
Never keep a compliment to yourself - Samantha Hammer Kadrmas
At a pity party, one drink maximum - Tricia Janosy
Truth doesn't rely on being believed - Dina Hillier
Change the world by being yourself - Amy Poehler, Smart Girls
Pretend impossibilities are possible. They are. Sandi Hemmerlein
It's hard to hate up close - Kareem Moreland
Smile at old people eating alone - Sally Friedman
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Okay - Here's where I went wrong...
I have always known my dental life choices have been bad. But, I couldn't quite picture how this would end.
Now I'm getting it.
After a five year absence I've gone back to a dentist because I have pain.
Unfortunately, because I always wait to go to the dentist, my cavities are so big that I either have a huge crown, filling, or root canal that has taken away most of the tooth. As a result, the next level is either an implant or dentures, neither of which sounds good.
If I had it to do over again, I'd get the cavities dealt with when they were small. Then, even if I had a lot of cavities, I would have enough tooth left so they could still resolve the issue with fillings.
If I DID have the opportunity to go back in time, though, I imagine I would probably make the same choices because I still get nervous about new environments and I'm lazy about making appointments.
So, the only way I can learn from this (and be ready to change the past if I ever get the chance!) is to face my fear and take "adult" responsibility for my own health and well being.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
I'm happy...given the limits I've placed on my life
What if I stopped placing limits? How happy would I really be?
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Today's Thoughts
Hi Blogworld.
Thanksgiving day - I'm thankful for every day. I'm glad I have a job and a place to live.
I feel alone in the world sometimes, but I know that's partly an attitude problem and my lack of energy toward maintaining relationships.
I'm nearing the end of our implementation project at work I've been physically inactive during much of the last few months.
I'm happy and yet, I know I'm not living my best life - I don't eat right and I don't get outside enough and I don't create relationships with other people.
That's it on the personal front.
The world is scary right now. I feel like we live in the Old West where 'bad' people get what they want just by being aggressive and willing to kill.
When I grew up I was taught that life is valuable.
It doesn't appear that idea was as firmly entrenched all over the world as I thought.
I think if we could treat everyone as if they matter in this world; that their life matters to the universe and to all of this community of humans, that would go a long way toward ending the problems we're seeing today.
People kill others so easily. Gangs, criminals, governments, religious groups.
If we don't treat people like their life matters, then it's no wonder they don't think much of killing other people.
As a government we have disregarded the value of individual lives in other countries for centuries.
We haven't cared if it meant better resources or money for us. American corporations have been dismissive of cultures around the world if it made a quick buck.
We don't even care about the existence of humanity if you take the way we treat our planet as evidence.
On a less dismal front:
I'm watching Treksgiving on BBC America - a marathon of Star Trek The Next Generation episodes. I remember back in 1987 when the series started. I was excited and embarrassed about my excitement and trying to hide it from ET, who I lived with at the time. Or, did I tell him? I'm not sure I told him how much I liked the idea of Star Trek. I remember putting it on my VCR and watching it later, I don't recall that he liked it particularly. He worked in retail at night so maybe he wasn't home when I watched it.
So, that was nearly 30 years ago.
I just watched a Tasha Yar episode where she was supposed to be a badass. Compared to today's badass chicks - it's quite a bit different. Times have changed.
I remember thinking the fact that there was a female security chief was cool, but really obvious as well - they were trying to make a point.
I guess awkward declarations are necessary to make progress.
(But what progress have we really made when we still haven't had a female president?)
I'll go to Mom's house this afternoon and then home before dark.
That's it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving day - I'm thankful for every day. I'm glad I have a job and a place to live.
I feel alone in the world sometimes, but I know that's partly an attitude problem and my lack of energy toward maintaining relationships.
I'm nearing the end of our implementation project at work I've been physically inactive during much of the last few months.
I'm happy and yet, I know I'm not living my best life - I don't eat right and I don't get outside enough and I don't create relationships with other people.
That's it on the personal front.
The world is scary right now. I feel like we live in the Old West where 'bad' people get what they want just by being aggressive and willing to kill.
When I grew up I was taught that life is valuable.
It doesn't appear that idea was as firmly entrenched all over the world as I thought.
I think if we could treat everyone as if they matter in this world; that their life matters to the universe and to all of this community of humans, that would go a long way toward ending the problems we're seeing today.
People kill others so easily. Gangs, criminals, governments, religious groups.
If we don't treat people like their life matters, then it's no wonder they don't think much of killing other people.
As a government we have disregarded the value of individual lives in other countries for centuries.
We haven't cared if it meant better resources or money for us. American corporations have been dismissive of cultures around the world if it made a quick buck.
We don't even care about the existence of humanity if you take the way we treat our planet as evidence.
On a less dismal front:
I'm watching Treksgiving on BBC America - a marathon of Star Trek The Next Generation episodes. I remember back in 1987 when the series started. I was excited and embarrassed about my excitement and trying to hide it from ET, who I lived with at the time. Or, did I tell him? I'm not sure I told him how much I liked the idea of Star Trek. I remember putting it on my VCR and watching it later, I don't recall that he liked it particularly. He worked in retail at night so maybe he wasn't home when I watched it.
So, that was nearly 30 years ago.
I just watched a Tasha Yar episode where she was supposed to be a badass. Compared to today's badass chicks - it's quite a bit different. Times have changed.
I remember thinking the fact that there was a female security chief was cool, but really obvious as well - they were trying to make a point.
I guess awkward declarations are necessary to make progress.
(But what progress have we really made when we still haven't had a female president?)
I'll go to Mom's house this afternoon and then home before dark.
That's it.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Ted Cruz on Face The Nation...and, THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT A BUSINESS!!!!
Ted Cruz on Face The Nation Sunday August 23, 2015
"Today we're pre-taping at this rally in Iowa that has thousands of people in support of religious liberty. And what this rally is doing is it's telling the stories of ordinary people across the country who are here today, who stood up for their faith, and who were persecuted. And you know a lot of folks in the media, they belittle the threats to religious liberty. They say they're not real, they're made up. This rally is all about putting names and faces and people to the persecution. For example, one couple who's here is Iowa's own Dick and Betty Odgaard. They're a wonderful couple. An older couple, they own an historic Lutheran church. For many years the Odgaards hosted weddings in their church. A couple years ago two men came to them and wanted to have a same sex wedding in their church. And the Odgaards who are devout Mennonites, they very politely, very respectfully said that hosting a homosexual wedding ceremony in their church was contrary to their faith, they couldn't do it. They were sued, they went through protracted litigation, they paid five thousand dollars to settle the case. And they promised never again to host another wedding. They've gone out of business, they've laid off all their employees. Why? Simple because they stood up for their faith and religious beliefs. We're a nation that was founded on religious liberty. And the liberal intolerance we see trying to persecute those who as a matter of faith follow a biblical definition of marriage is fundamentally wrong."
1. Dick and Betty Odgaard are not that old
2. Persecuted? Malala Yousafzai was persecuted. These people are just bigots trying to foist their religious beliefs on the world.
3. The building may have previously been a church, but it was used by the Odgaards as a bistro and gallery. Cruz's continued use of the word 'church' is misleading and implies he believes the people who are listening to him are too stupid to check.
4. I don't want to spend too much time checking this out anymore, but I wonder how many employees worked for them anyway - a couple? Part-time? They probably had a few people who were paid when there was an event. Not that each job isn't valuable, but Ted Cruz's characterization is that this was a company employing a bunch of people.
5. They weren't so financially persecuted by this that they didn't have enough money to buy 1000 billboards against gay marriage.
6. If people are politely and respectfully bigoted it makes it alright?
Even if I agree with Ted Cruz - which I DO NOT - doesn't it mean anything that he can't even tell a story correctly? That should be reason enough not to have him be in a position of authority...he can't be trusted.
Donald Trump was also on the show...
I go back to something I've said before on this blog years ago...
THE UNITED STATES IS NOT A BUSINESS!!!!!!
These people keep trying to run it like it's a business. IT'S NOT!!!!!
They're ruining the government - and the United States - with their misinformation about the point of a government.
"Today we're pre-taping at this rally in Iowa that has thousands of people in support of religious liberty. And what this rally is doing is it's telling the stories of ordinary people across the country who are here today, who stood up for their faith, and who were persecuted. And you know a lot of folks in the media, they belittle the threats to religious liberty. They say they're not real, they're made up. This rally is all about putting names and faces and people to the persecution. For example, one couple who's here is Iowa's own Dick and Betty Odgaard. They're a wonderful couple. An older couple, they own an historic Lutheran church. For many years the Odgaards hosted weddings in their church. A couple years ago two men came to them and wanted to have a same sex wedding in their church. And the Odgaards who are devout Mennonites, they very politely, very respectfully said that hosting a homosexual wedding ceremony in their church was contrary to their faith, they couldn't do it. They were sued, they went through protracted litigation, they paid five thousand dollars to settle the case. And they promised never again to host another wedding. They've gone out of business, they've laid off all their employees. Why? Simple because they stood up for their faith and religious beliefs. We're a nation that was founded on religious liberty. And the liberal intolerance we see trying to persecute those who as a matter of faith follow a biblical definition of marriage is fundamentally wrong."
1. Dick and Betty Odgaard are not that old
2. Persecuted? Malala Yousafzai was persecuted. These people are just bigots trying to foist their religious beliefs on the world.
3. The building may have previously been a church, but it was used by the Odgaards as a bistro and gallery. Cruz's continued use of the word 'church' is misleading and implies he believes the people who are listening to him are too stupid to check.
4. I don't want to spend too much time checking this out anymore, but I wonder how many employees worked for them anyway - a couple? Part-time? They probably had a few people who were paid when there was an event. Not that each job isn't valuable, but Ted Cruz's characterization is that this was a company employing a bunch of people.
5. They weren't so financially persecuted by this that they didn't have enough money to buy 1000 billboards against gay marriage.
6. If people are politely and respectfully bigoted it makes it alright?
Even if I agree with Ted Cruz - which I DO NOT - doesn't it mean anything that he can't even tell a story correctly? That should be reason enough not to have him be in a position of authority...he can't be trusted.
Donald Trump was also on the show...
I go back to something I've said before on this blog years ago...
THE UNITED STATES IS NOT A BUSINESS!!!!!!
These people keep trying to run it like it's a business. IT'S NOT!!!!!
They're ruining the government - and the United States - with their misinformation about the point of a government.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Television - Project Runway - Season 14, Episode 3
Television - CBS This Morning - Season 4, Episode 201
Television - The Daily Show News Your Own Adventure (best of Jon Stewart)
Television - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Season 20, Episode 139. (Excellent episode)
Television - Major Crimes - Season 4, Episode 4
Television - Major Crimes - Season 4, Episode 5
Podcast - Think Again, 10 - Mark Epstein
Article - New York Times - Amazon
Television - Tig Notaro - Boyish Girl Interrupted (Hilarious, I laughed a LOT)
YouTube - Knock Knock, It's Tig Notaro
Small bike ride around the neighborhood
Television - CBS This Morning - Season 4, Episode 201
Television - The Daily Show News Your Own Adventure (best of Jon Stewart)
Television - The Daily Show with Jon Stewart - Season 20, Episode 139. (Excellent episode)
Television - Major Crimes - Season 4, Episode 4
Television - Major Crimes - Season 4, Episode 5
Podcast - Think Again, 10 - Mark Epstein
Article - New York Times - Amazon
Television - Tig Notaro - Boyish Girl Interrupted (Hilarious, I laughed a LOT)
YouTube - Knock Knock, It's Tig Notaro
Small bike ride around the neighborhood
Friday, August 21, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Pi Day
(I was going to add an image here, but I don't know how to do it on my iPad. Boo me! I'll add it later)
Today is 3/14/15.
The first digits of Pi are 3.1415
There won't be another Pi day until 100 years from now in the year 2115.
Yee Haw.
I like that some people made a celebration day out of it.
I'm noting it here, but honestly, that's the extent of my celebration.
I wonder if the mathematics community was more inclined to celebrate than the general population?
I don't understand the significance of Pi. It has something to do with the radius of a circle, and the number goes on to infinity.
Am I lacking in wonder because it doesn't make me curious? Am I missing something about its fundamental nature?
Many people are fascinated with Pi so there must be something I don't understand.
I suspect our knowledge of Pi has led to many wonderful inventions and discoveries.
For that, I'm grateful. I'm glad there are people in the world who recognized the significance of Pi and had the fortitude to put it to good use.
On this, the first and last Pi day of my lifetime (presumably) I stand tall and proud to say...
Pi I salute you!!!!!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014 - What a year!!!
Something kicked into gear for me since my birthday.
I've discovered:
I sometimes have a victim mentality - In my head I say to myself "If this hadn't happened and that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have done that." In that way I put the blame on other people and became a victim of other people's actions. I've been listening to myself say those things and worked hard at taking responsibility for what I do, no matter what action led me to that place. I don't have trouble saying I'm sorry or recognizing I could have done better, but there always seems to be a reason I didn't do better, and it's other people. Changing the way I think about things gives me the power to be who I know I can be. It's a hard habit to break so I can't say I've done it always, but hearing myself say those things to myself has been a huge help.
I have a sense of entitlement - In my head I say to myself "I shouldn't have to do this." I have always thought of myself as being somehow above some things. Not all things. I'm happy to do menial tasks quite often. It's some work at some times. Or, not even work related - "I shouldn't have to wait around for this." Again, I've gotten better at hearing myself say these things so I can respond to myself "Why not?" What have I done to earn relief or respect in that area?
There are two things about that: 1) really, nobody should be above anything so I don't like that I think that way just in general. 2) I've been noticing in my life that I don't do anything that is of value to anyone or the world. I don't devise new things, I don't work at a charity, I don't teach people anything, I don't have children, I'm not nice to old people. Just in general, I don't think I benefit the world that much. I'm not saying I won't, but I realize I don't. So - of course I haven't earned the right to be entitled.
I'm lazy - I've talked about this before at other end of year reviews. I take the easy way out. A lot. It's easier to walk away than try to balance to zero. It's easier to walk away than practice. It's easier to play games on my iPad than read a book. It's easier to watch a movie than take a walk. Work wise, I think it's more important than ever that I take the extra step toward excellence (which comes into play with my theme for the year - more on that later).
Two big things I did in the last six months:
I found the names of my natural parents. - I've been dilly dallying about this for years and years and years and years. I wasn't sure how I felt about finding out and didn't have a way to find out that didn't involve upsetting the apple cart. I wasn't sure I wanted to upset the apple cart so I kept my mouth shut and just wondered. Finally, the state of Washington allowed adoptees to get a copy of their original birth certificate. So, I did. And then, with the birth mother's name and some internet searching, I found the married name of the woman I believe to be my natural mother. I have a picture of my natural maternal grandparents and the grandma shares a resemblance. But, I share pretty much zero resemblance to the natural mother. She's been married for years and has a son and a daughter and about 5 grandchildren. I spy on her through Facebook.
My natural father is named in the legal documents that the lawyer's office still had. I'm not sure I share much resemblance to him either. And I don't know as much about him - he doesn't have a family member that's active on Facebook (which is how I can get glimpses of my natural mother)
In any event, those questions are answered.
I haven't felt a need to meet them either. I don't know why. Maybe just knowing who they are and that they seem pretty normal has satisfied me. I secretly hoped there was some famous or fascinating person in my natural family. Now that I know there isn't I feel content to let things be.
I don't know enough about the circumstances of my conception and I can't risk that it was something horrible for the natural mother. I'd hate to upset her when she has a good and content life as it is.
I'd be more inclined to reach out to the natural father, and yet - even there - to what end?
There are a lot of people in the world who have no idea who their natural parents are and no way to find out.
I'm lucky I could at least get a glimpse of them.
I bought a condominium - that's a big one because it only JUST happened and most of my savings will be gone. I've always been afraid to be this committed to a mortgage. I liked having my freedom. But, at my last lease renewal it looked like they want to raise the rent quite a bit which would mean it's just as expensive to buy as it is to rent. So far I'm not getting as anxious as I thought I might considering that time I was going to buy a townhouse in MFJ's condo complex in Beaverton. That time I got so sick to my stomach right after putting an offer in that I had to call it off immediately.
This is a big deal because I'm committing to something, but also because it means I've given up on the idea of love. Huh? Yeah. I had a thought at some point this year where I realized part of why I didn't want to settle down and I always feel like I'm temporary is because I was always hoping I'd meet someone and we'd start living life together. I didn't want to be tied down to anything so it would be easier to comingle our lives when the time came. I know - I could have always sold a home if I found someone to be with. But, that's not how my deep subconscious was thinking about it.
Since my breakup with JLB - maybe three years now? - that really shattered me. Not that I think he was the one, but because I tried and it still didn't work. I don't think I try in the best way but that's a story for another time. The point is, I realized I don't want to try anymore. And given that, I have no reason not to settle down. So I will. (I think the part about not finding love has been pretty heartbreaking for me so maybe I won't be done forever, but I'm a slow moving turtle so it takes me a lot of time. Maybe too much time. I'll never have a sexy romance, but maybe I can have a loving companion.)
In conclusion:
In many ways 2014 was monumental. I'm glad I moved forward on a couple things. Since my birthday I've had a lot of clarity and I've tried hard to take the next step.
My boss is the one who mentioned the victim thing to me. She talked about her own spiritual journey and mentioned victim vs master is a concept she's working on. When I said something that sounded like victim mentality to her, she pointed it out and the idea clicked into place. I'm not a victim in the boohoo woe is me way, which is how I previously thought of 'victims'. I'm a victim when my excuses for not being my best self are that other people didn't do or say this, that, or the other thing. Understanding shifted the way I look at things. A paradigm shift. That was powerful.
And being able to hear myself talk to me is another powerful shift. Eckhart Tolle talks about being The Observer of our own thoughts. I've done better with that, which gave me clues about how I can do better. It's mostly habit and negative self talk. That's all!
On to 2015 -
Take the next step - physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The condominium I purchased is a good walking condo - near shopping and a park. I've gained a lot of weight in the last couple years. In 2015 I'd like to get up and take a walk more often. Take the next step.
Our company is heading in a new direction and I want to be part of it. To do that, I need to take the next step toward excellence. Don't stop when it's OKAY work, take the next step and make it EXCELLENT work.
It's important for me to find my place in the world. This year, I'd like to take the next step in my spiritual development. That might mean reading more books, giving myself time to meditate. Take the next step and really quiet my mind. Practice. Take the next step and practice stillness.
***
The world is difficult right now. There is war and destruction and murder and hatred and fear. It's heartbreaking. It's overwhelming. I know there are pockets of love and peace and kindness and joy out there. I know people who are loving. I hear about people who are peaceful. Discoveries continue being made. Life is still happening all around us.
The world is amazing and wonderful and exciting and beautiful. For this year, I wish everyone will get a glimpse of Love for themselves and in that way the light won't ever die out.
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
It's one way I can be of value to the planet.
Monday, June 30, 2014
The Supreme Court rules again.
I'm so frustrated. I really dislike the opinions of Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Kennedy.
They are creating a country in which being a religious person makes you a first class citizen. You get to do whatever you want. Wait - not just a 'religious' person, a Christian religious person!
I keep talking and thinking about really going through an opinion to see what the reasoning is behind some of these outrageous decisions. It's difficult to find the time, focus, and the understanding to go through all those words.
The latest is today's ruling in a Hobby Lobby case in which private corporations want exemptions from the Affordable Health Care act. They want to NOT provide contraception (in their mind, contraceptives cause abortions) based on their religious beliefs.
(I just heard that there are ways around this - the government will pay for the contraception access - which is the excuse used by Alito in his ruling)
Sigh.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
What's happening?
These photos are from The New Republic
Yemen photographer Boushra Almutawakel series called "Mother, Daughter, Doll"
These pictures are heartbreaking. She's very brave.
Yemen photographer Boushra Almutawakel series called "Mother, Daughter, Doll"
These pictures are heartbreaking. She's very brave.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Happy Father's Day
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Story of My Life - 002 - July 1959
So this isn't a story, but it's interesting, I think. This is a note written to my mother and father to congratulate them when they got me.
"Dear
I was sure surprised to hear about your sweet little baby just about 2 days before I got the card. Avis and I were talking and I said to her I don't think they will ever have any children and here come the card and we had a good laugh but it is so nice for you and I wish you good luck raising her. I know she must be very sweet as I know her parents are. Well, I am getting so many Great Grandchildren that I will have to quit writing to them as my hands is so bad my hand is asleep right now and I have to stop and wake it up. I am not very well anymore so excuse me if I don't write very often. I have something wrong with my jaw, it all swelled up like I had the mumps and it sure bothers me so much to eat anything. I am happy you have a baby now. I know you will be very happy now. With Love Pearl. P.S. Excuse all blunders I am 83 years old now. Grandma"
I'm really taken by this letter. She must have been born in 1876. When she mentions her aches and pains it becomes very immediate and in this moment. A bridge across time.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Movies I've Seen - World War Z
From IMDB: United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop the Zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments, and threatening to destroy humanity itself.
I don't usually watch zombie movies, but I've seen a lot of trailers for this movie and it intrigued me. I wondered what a world war might look like in today's world.
My thought? Nothing new to see here, move along now.
It was fine. I haven't watched a movie like this in a while. There's no denying that because it's the existence of humanity on the line, we all have a stake in the outcome, right? I'm no exception. I don't like Zombies and I've seen plenty of movies with the same plot outline, but I still want "us" to win.
Brad Pitt was quite believable in the role and performed admirably...he's not just a pretty face.
These are all the Brad Pitt movies I remember watching: Moneyball, The Mexican, Fight Club, Seven Years in Tibet, Twelve Monkeys, Legends of the Fall, Interview with the Vampire, A River Runs Through It, Thelma and Louise.
My two favorites in that group are Fight Club and Twelve Monkeys - loved him in Twelve Monkeys.
Oh what a web we weave...
It's heartbreaking to watch the violence in Iraq, particularly the last few days when a radical Islamist group the West calls ISIS (Islamic State in Iraq and Syria) is taking control of many of the larger cities. It's 'Shock and Awe' in reverse. The Iraqi Army 'melted away' according to a Kurdish leader (CBS News, Holly Williams).
I wish the people who supported the war (Boehner, McCain and Graham et al) and who continue to heckle President Obama's decision to 'end' the war, would learn a lesson. This was foretold when Bush and Cheney turned away from Afghanistan and invaded Iraq with the idea of creating a Democracy. It was a horrible decision then and it would be a horrible decision today.
Time to write another e-mail to President Obama - short and sweet:
"Hello - I do NOT support any further activity in Iraq. Please do not listen to people like Boehner, McCain, or Graham. Thank you, Vicky"
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Story of My Life - 001 - November 1980
This is the first 'story of my life' post. You'd think it would be a really important life event because it's the first. It's not. I picked a piece of paper out of the memorabilia bag and this is what we're going with. Thank Goodness I can throw this away after I'm done.
Sherry and Jerry are the father and stepmother of one of my two best friends at the time. I would never have guessed I went to their wedding, or purchased a wedding gift for them. Now that I've been reminded, I can just barely make out an image in my mind of Sherry and Jerry in their wedding attire.
Jerry owned a small tennis and swim club. Because I was friends with LS, we had nearly free reign of the club in late elementary, middle, and high school. It was such a part of our life we called it 'The Club'.
We were really lucky and hopefully didn't take too much advantage.
Sherry and Jerry were a couple from nearly the beginning of my friendship with LS. Although they're a continued presence in my memories of LS and those days, I don't have any stories about them specifically. In retrospect, I can't imagine how overwhelming it would have been for Sherry to have a boyfriend with six boisterous kids.
In my perception of the time, Sherry and Jerry were the glamorous couple who had parties and friends and money. LS' mom was taking care of six kids while working irregular jobs.
It was a contrast that I think had an effect on my ideas of men and marriage and relationships.
Anyway - they were nice people and never made me feel bad for hanging around a lot.
I'm glad I went to their wedding and gave them a gift.
Jerry owned a small tennis and swim club. Because I was friends with LS, we had nearly free reign of the club in late elementary, middle, and high school. It was such a part of our life we called it 'The Club'.
We were really lucky and hopefully didn't take too much advantage.
Sherry and Jerry were a couple from nearly the beginning of my friendship with LS. Although they're a continued presence in my memories of LS and those days, I don't have any stories about them specifically. In retrospect, I can't imagine how overwhelming it would have been for Sherry to have a boyfriend with six boisterous kids.
In my perception of the time, Sherry and Jerry were the glamorous couple who had parties and friends and money. LS' mom was taking care of six kids while working irregular jobs.
It was a contrast that I think had an effect on my ideas of men and marriage and relationships.
Anyway - they were nice people and never made me feel bad for hanging around a lot.
I'm glad I went to their wedding and gave them a gift.
A new mission for this blog...
Yes, it's a journal for me.
I have a lot of memorabilia from my life. Although I really like the memories they bring up, I don't like that memorabilia takes up space. I'm sick of having to move it here, there, and everywhere when I hardly ever look at it except when I'm trying to figure out if I can throw it away.
On the other hand, if I didn't have some of these things to look at I'd completely forget about people, places, events, and activities.
I had an idea several years ago that I could take pictures of things and then get rid of them. I'd still have something to jog my memory, but I wouldn't have to take up space to keep them.
But, what about the story associated with the memory? Can I keep that as well?
In what format?
I'm not sure if this blog will stand the test of technological time. But, I guess I think it's in Google's best interest to have a way to archive it and make it available for a pretty long time. So, I'm putting all my pictures and stories here.
I've just signed a one year lease at this 2 bed 2 bath apartment. I want to live in a large studio space. I have one year to get all this memorabilia documented and pared down so I can easily move to a space that better fits the lifestyle I'd like to have.
I'm sorry I waited until late middle age to do this. Well, there's a reason for that, but I won't go into it now.
So, that's a new mission for the year. I'm not sure how I'll do because when was the last time I did anything I said I would? And even if I started, when was the last time I finished something?
I guess this blog could be a document of my good intentions.
I have a lot of memorabilia from my life. Although I really like the memories they bring up, I don't like that memorabilia takes up space. I'm sick of having to move it here, there, and everywhere when I hardly ever look at it except when I'm trying to figure out if I can throw it away.
On the other hand, if I didn't have some of these things to look at I'd completely forget about people, places, events, and activities.
I had an idea several years ago that I could take pictures of things and then get rid of them. I'd still have something to jog my memory, but I wouldn't have to take up space to keep them.
But, what about the story associated with the memory? Can I keep that as well?
In what format?
I'm not sure if this blog will stand the test of technological time. But, I guess I think it's in Google's best interest to have a way to archive it and make it available for a pretty long time. So, I'm putting all my pictures and stories here.
I've just signed a one year lease at this 2 bed 2 bath apartment. I want to live in a large studio space. I have one year to get all this memorabilia documented and pared down so I can easily move to a space that better fits the lifestyle I'd like to have.
I'm sorry I waited until late middle age to do this. Well, there's a reason for that, but I won't go into it now.
So, that's a new mission for the year. I'm not sure how I'll do because when was the last time I did anything I said I would? And even if I started, when was the last time I finished something?
I guess this blog could be a document of my good intentions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)