Thinking about what's 'real'...

Recognizing Illusion.

There are moments, flashes of insight, that illumine the many layers of illusion each of us accepts in our lives.  It's hard to hold onto.  It's like living out of phase for just a moment, or when the holodeck image is destabilizing and you can see the room for what it really is - a big grid.  Sci-Fi and Star Trek fans will understand me, right?

The illusions of my life are 'rules' I accept without questioning.

How many 'rules' do I instinctively accept that I don't even know enough to wonder about?
I live a life of illusion because I accept 'rules' as my reality.

I believe that instead of 'rules', we are making choices.  Powerful choices.
We have chosen to follow the 'rule', we aren't required to.
Rules are an illusion.  Choices are not.

***

Many of our hidden, illusory 'rules' come from growing up in our society/culture, but I wonder if there's another layer of 'rule' illusion that if we were to discard it, would result in an evolution of our species?
It seems far-fetched and crazy, I know.  (Or is that judgment an illusion itself?).

A Cat Themed Day.

Little Kitty supports Barack Obama

MTF invited me to see CATS today.  I'd never seen it before.  Interesting.  It took until the end of the show for me to have an appreciation for it.  I had a hard time understanding the words.

I keep working on it!

This is a tissue paper collage.  For the last week or so I'd come home from work and put a new layer on.  Today, I found out this would have been a much quicker process if I hadn't used such thick layers of Soft Gel Medium (gloss).  Today's layers were much thinner and dried very quickly!

Good to know!

I'm signed up for a digital photography class that I hope will help me take pictures that more accurately reflect the colors in my art.  This is about 80% true and is a good representation - but it's not completely accurate.  I feel it must have to do with lighting and hopefully I'll learn about that! :)

What if...

What if, instead of repeating the same day over and over again, like Phil in the movie "Groundhog Day", you repeated the same MINUTE over and over again?

In the movie, Phil made good use of his time by learning to play the piano, do ice sculpture, help out people in the community. He became a changed person because of it.

But, what if you repeated the same MINUTE over and over - well...that would get old very quickly, wouldn't it.  And what if that minute that you kept repeating was the minute you are running into the house after work because you have to go to the bathroom.  Yeah - that sounds pretty horrible.  What if...?

So, if you're ever tempted to accept an offer to gain some time during the day by repeating time, make sure it's not just one MINUTE.

A public service reminder from Vickster!

Did I miss a day? Why, yes. Yes, I did. Whoops!

How did yesterday get away from me without a blog post? That means two today - one this morning and another this evening...:)

Watch this through to the end...and enjoy your day!!

Another Little Movie

I keep 'winging' it on these hoping an idea will come to me as I'm creating. And it does. But, next time (and there will be a next time) I'd like to plan something out.

For now...

Experience...

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This blog entry presented to you with no labels, no expectations, no identification. Thought without form.
 
 

A Story for Today

A woman was walking down the street and fell into a deep hole.
The walls were steep and slippery, so try as she might, she was unable to free herself from her dilemma..

After a while, a doctor walked by.
The woman shouted up at him "Can you please help me?  I'm stuck in this hole and don't know what to do."
The doctor stopped to help.  He saw the woman was in the hole, wrote a prescription and reached his hand out to give it to her.  After she accepted it, he continued on his way.

Before too long a priest walked by.
The woman pleaded to the priest "Please, can you help me?  I'm stuck in this hole and I don't know how to get out."
The priest stopped at the edge of the hole to see the woman.  He reached out to hold her hand and began to pray.  She prayed with him.  After the prayer, the priest smiled lovingly at her and continued on his way.

Soon, one of the woman's good friends walked by.
In relief, the woman shouted out to her friend "Thank goodness it's you!  I'm in this hole and I need help getting out!!"

Without a thought, the friend jumped in the hole.

"Hey!" said the woman, "What'd you do that for?  Now, we're both stuck in here!!"

Her friend took her hand and smiled.  "Don't be afraid, I've been here before and I know the way out."

Obama and Biden

I like knowing that Obama respects Biden and they work together.  Obama makes sure Biden is standing with him when he makes a lot of his most important speeches.  I remember a time when the Vice-President's job was to stay in the background.  (Even Bush and Cheney didn't appear together very much - maybe because being with Cheney put Bush in harm's way!).

Hey!! I'm an introvert!

Personal confessional time:

I'm having profound and exciting re-realizations this afternoon!
I call them RE-realizations because I was told I'm an introvert within the last year, but today it feels shiny and fresh.  I'm reading what other introverts have to say about their lives and I can't believe how closely they mirror my thoughts.
Wow.
I'm mad at myself for feeling ashamed and 'less than' because I don't know how to enjoy a lot of socializing.  I've been afraid the only reason I enjoy being alone is because I'm avoiding my inadequacies.
Bah!
All my life I've lamented the fact that I don't fit in anywhere.  I've thought there must be a flaw in me and how I relate to people in the world.
Now I'm thinking my flaw was that I allowed myself to feel bad because I couldn't be like the 'happy' ones.

**

I'm reading "Awakening the Buddhist Heart" in which the author, Lama Surya Das says "Life is about relationship - the relationship we have with ourselves, with each other, with the world, as well as the connection to that which is beyond any of us yet immament in each of us."

It made me think about my relationships - friends and lovers, family and acquaintances.  Although I'm very open, I hold people at a distance so I can afford time on my own.  I like to be involved but not too involved so no one will worry when I need to be alone.  I can't have too many friends because I'll feel obligated to be more busy than I'm comfortable with.

I realized that I don't necessarily want to be alone, but I don't want to feel sapped of energy when I'm around people.
I'd like to have a group of friends that make me as comfortable in their presence as I am when I'm alone.
I'd like to have a life partner that understands I need my alone time.

Ahhh...the rightness of that understanding resonated happily all through my body.

**

Now how am I supposed to find that special person if I like to be alone????

I checked the internet and found these articles that could have been written by me (though I wouldn't have written it as well!).  It almost makes me cry and saddens me that all these years I've attached so many feelings of inadequacy to myself for no good reason - only because I'm not like the majority of people.
Grrrrr...

Introverts strike back from Hunter Nuttall.com

Caring for you Introvert by Jonathan Rauch
Follow-up to Jonathan Rauch's article

Internet Videos I like...

Ben Folds put up a chat roulette link and played for the folks. It looks like a good time! :)





It's amazing the things people can become good at. This is quite good.

Health Care

The House of Representatives will be voting on health care reform today.

The session just started and they're doing one minute speeches.

The differences between the two sides are stark.

If you have a chance - it's interesting to watch on C-Span.

"What the American People Want"

In reference to the Health Insurance Reform bill currently being debated (watch on C-SPAN.org), the Republicans consistently say "This is not what the American People Want".

It's a nonsense statement. I'm part of the American People and I DO want it.

1. It implies that if a person does want the Health Care Reform bill to pass they must not be American.

2. It implies that every American thinks one way. If that were the case, we wouldn't have all this partisanship. And, by the way - if that were the case, how do the Republicans think the Democrats got elected?

I'm frustrated that frivolous statements continue to be used because they work.

I wish the American people would pay a bit more attention and not let fear cloud their judgment. If that were the case, these 'marketing' ploys wouldn't work.

A Beautiful Day...

Spring sunshine! I L O V E it!!!

I took these pictures of Mt Hood during my lunch hour today.

Oh! A pretty shiny thing...

I just deleted a post in which I commented on the President Obama/Brett Baier interview on FOXNews yesterday.

It occurred to me (suddenly this morning) that Obama on FOX is NOT news. It's a distraction from the substance of our daily lives.

I got caught up in how FOXNews would treat Obama as a guest, but that's to be expected. It's not news.

I allowed myself to be distracted by the shiny thing dangled in front of me.

Bah! That is NOT where I want my energy going!!!

The World...according to Vicky

This is my story of how the world began...

In the beginning,

There was God.

And God is

Love

When God was alone...

God knew love;

God felt love.

The Energy of Love Grew

and expanded

Love beget love beget love beget love beget love beget love beget love

The Energy of

God's Love

Grew

and

Grew

and

Grew

It turned in upon itself and multiplied.

Into infinity God's love multiplied.

But...

Love is sharing,

caring,

creating

Love is activity,

experience,

understanding.

There is no meaning in Love not expressed.

God's Love was not fulfilled.

Until one moment,

one second, and one instant in time...

The Energy of God

The Energy of Love

The Love of God

Became so powerful,

so intense

so full...

That the energy of creation

created the reality of the universe.

God expressed Love in Creation

The energy dispersed throughout

the universe.

Beams of Love sent out by God

to express love through creativity.

Each beam of love is part of God

Yet each beam of love is alone -

Free to

create

imagine

teach

experience

understand

motivate

change

enjoy

learn

share

care

be.

The power of love creates the universe

The energy of love transforms thought into reality.

As each beam of light and love

travels through the universe

it creates...worlds to explore, ideas

to express, levels of existence to conquer.

Through the power of love

our galaxy,

our solar system,

our planet

Became reality.

*****

I wrote that maybe 20 years ago, and I still believe it today.

It reminds me that we're all connected; we're all a part of the universal energy of love.

Yet, the origin story is a point of curiosity, interest. It's validity doesn't change the nature of the world as we experience it today.

Today I choose to live in the the moment I'm experiencing. A whole lifetime in a moment.

I will be the spirit of love in this moment. Now.

Enjoy your day...:)

A peaceful moment amid the chaos...

Tonight's plan for the blog entry is postponed until tomorrow! Boy - that makes it sound exciting, doesn't it?

Instead, look at the pretty picture.

Imagine you are there.

Breathe in 1-2-3-4-5 and breathe out 1-2-3-4-5

Enjoy this moment.

This is you, living your life.

Peaceful, calm, centered.

Create, Live, Love...

Keeping these things in mind...

Randomly selected from the book "1325 Buddhist Ways to Be Happy" by Barbara Ann Kipfer:

Begin right now by engaging love and compassion however you can - not tomorrow, but today.

It is rare that happiness alights just so on the desire that called for it. Marcel Proust

You can feel happy coming back to the breath. Don't worry that you are going to have to do it a thousand times. That is why this is called practice.

If we wish to protect ourselves from suffering, either we can try to change the whole world - or we can change our mind. Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

Recognize that all created things pass and what matters is not how much we collect or what we make or do, but how well we live this short dance and how well we learn to love.

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants...

This is the joke I told myself as I was waking up this morning, told in the style of the old Match Game television show...

Me: My brain is so fast.
You: HOW FAST IS IT?
Me: My brain is so fast I've already laughed at this joke and moved on!
 
 

Hey - this is fun!!!

I'm experimenting...:)

My Week in Review

My Week in Review

March 6 - March 12, 2010

As far as activities go, this was an uneventful week.

I signed up for three classes that I'm looking forward to in the coming weeks.

I bought a tripod.

I didn't do any extra art.  

I didn't go anywhere. 

I worked from home most of Wednesday.

I gave Little Kitty lots of massages - many of them at 3:00 in the morning when she woke me up with her little paw stroking my cheek.  

tick-tock, tick-tock...hmmm...nothing else I want to add for now, I guess.

I can't decide if my lack of activity means I wasted time.  

Or, maybe it means nothing at all except that I didn't have activities this week.  

Honestly, lately I feel a sense of judgement if I'm not 'fun' and 'interesting' enough to DO things.
(Oh yeah - I forgot, I did some daily entries for the blog - which takes time.)

What day is it? Why, its CELEBRATE YOURSELF DAY of course!!!!!!

Today must be Celebrate Yourself day 'cause here I am CELEBRATING MYSELF!!!
What will YOU do to Celebrate Yourself today?!??!?!?!?!

In honor of Celebrate Yourself day, I'm going to tell you what I like about ME!

1. I like to learn new things
2. I have Hope
3. I am loyal
4. I truly want everyone to be happy; to live their best life.
5. I appreciate my blessings
6. I'm willing to be goofy
7. I get inspired
8. I am logical
9. I am emotional
10. I make connections between ideas that lead me to new understanding.
11. I am considerate
12. I am polite
13. I believe each of our lives have meaning and value.
14. I believe you
15. I love to dance - around the living room or while I'm working, or even while I'm driving
16. I like the music I choose to listen to! :)
17. I make jokes sometimes that are funny
18. I have just the right amount of trivial knowledge
19. I'm willing to keep trying.
20. I'm interested in people's stories
21. I'm open to talking about possibly awkward things
22. I'm a pretty good one-on-one conversationalist
23. I will try new things at least once (with the exception of food and things that might make me dizzy - but otherwise, I'm willing to give it a go).
24. I have many moods
25. I'm not afraid to be the 'odd' one.
26. I think things through a lot, make a choice based on what I value, and then I'm not afraid to share my opinion.
27. I love teamwork and collaboration.
28. I like to get people excited about things.
29. I am honest
30. I recognize a double-standard
31. I try really hard.
32. I'm a good speller
33. I can occupy my time when alone
34. I can daydream
35. I relax very well.

Yay Me! Celebrate Me! WooHoo!



I'll save my list of 'other' characteristics for 'Put Yourself Down Day'.

However, I want to acknowledge one challenge I have. It is neither something I like about me nor something I don't like about me - it simply is a challenge I have to deal with:
I get anxiety about not having my own independent transportation to or from an event - especially if I'm not familiar with the surroundings - but I want to enjoy a shared experience with my friends, family, or a loved one.
This is the challenge that has plagued me my whole life. And made my life more solitary than it needed to be.
In the last number of years, I've just accepted it.
I don't want to - but I don't know how to get out of it on my own. It requires the patience of someone I trust.
I've often thought, if I just had a partner I could trust, this could be changed.
On the other hand - inner change is a solitary endeavor.
I feel I should get over it on my own.
But, I have no one to practice with. And I don't know if I trust someone until I know them. And how do I get to know someone if I can't go out and do things with them?
That's the part I don't get and have a hard time figuring out.

To do it on my own - I have to learn to trust myself, accept myself, and live in the present moment.

Celebrate Yourself Day is a first step!! :)

I couldn't have done this 30 years ago!

I want to create a multimedia experience on my blog.
We'll see how that progresses.
To start me off, I created a video this morning before work.
I've never done this before so I expect to see improvement as I practice and experiment.
Try to figure out what I've written before I show you...you only have a second or two to guess.

A little Zen Doodling

What is Zen Doodling?  Deliberate drawing of elaborate patterns as a form of meditation.
Mine isn't quite as elaborate as others at this point, but this is what I've created.

I like that even the simplest of Zen Doodles can look cool.  And you get the benefit of a mini meditation - focused and relaxed.  A characteristic of some Zen Doodles is the repetitive patterns and the way the different patterns combine on one page.

When I was young we used to sing a song that was based on Matthew 7:7.  The lyrics were:
Ask and it shall be given
Seek and you shall find
Knock and the Door shall be opened
And the love comes a tumblin' down.

Have a great day!

Lost Season 6, "Dr. Linus"

I'm adding this to my blog only so I can remember that:

1.  I watched the show last night.

2.  I thought it answered a lot of questions

3.  It seemed a bit rushed

4.  I think they're trying to fool us into thinking Jacob is bad because Ben and Richard Alpert , people who've worked with/for Jacob for years, feel betrayed by him.  I still think he's good - partly because, as I said, I felt the writers were trying to get me to believe otherwise and that seemed too obvious to me, but also because Ilana, who thinks of Jacob as her father, allowed Ben back into the group.  She gave him the opportunity to make the right choice.  And he did - in both the island time and the sideways time.  If Ilana thinks of Jacob as her father, and she did this good thing, then he must be good.  That's my thought anyway.

Check out the 'What's Alan Watching' website.  (It's where I get most of my pictures for specific episodes of a few different shows).

Action Item List - Five Things

This is how I should deal with unwanted negative energy coming my way...

Passive Resistance - that's how Gandhi did it

"Is That So?" Let it go (right through me)

The Serenity Prayer

...and the wisdom to know the difference

and

No Fight

No Flight

Don't be a little bird with her wings all fluffed out so no one knows you're hurt.

Synchronicity - the Universe speaks...

Barney and Robin (from Episode 5)

Hey - something weird's in the air.

Tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother was made for me!  "Of Course" Robin was upset about her breakup with Barney!  Of course she was.  

My situation isn't perfectly parallel, but I felt like this was made for me - on this night particularly. 

Sometimes a thing happens, and it has to be, and it changes everything.  

It shifts the universe.

And it sucks.  There's nothing to be done about it - it just sucks.  

...Until one day it won't. 

I hope I wasn't the only one to say 'awwww' and shed a little tear at the end of the show.

Thanks "How I Met Your Mother"!

My Week in Review

My Week In Review

February 27 through March 5, 2010

**I tried to scrub my kitchen floor.  It was exhausting.  Someone should clean that more often.  

**I played with Little Kitty

**Took a box of record albums to Everyday Music and got a whole $17.00.  I spent 6 of the 17 dollars on a CD I later realized I'd already downloaded on iTunes.  And it just now occurred to me that one of those albums was...

I used to play the heck out of this album.  I was just a kid and I remember the cover was more than I could understand.  I had a portable turntable that I could put a bunch of albums on and they'd drop down to play.  Ahhhh...those were the days.  I loved the music on this album!  

Now, its gone...only my memory to keep me sane.

**Took a microwave and old television to Goodwill.  Thank you for the heavy lifting MFJ.

**The electricity went out on Sunday morning for a couple hours.  I'm glad it was light out so I could read the paper in the front bedroom.  It was kind of nice and peaceful.

**The scratchy throat and stuffy nose I had last week didn't turn out to be an allergy to the cat, or mold in my house, but rather an everyday common cold.  I got a cold????  I was a little in shock. When?  Where?  I don't get colds!?!  How did this happen?  Who gave this to me??  Man, I have a cold.  And isn't this a little peculiar that suddenly when I start eating more fruit (orange and apple at least, right?) I get a cold.  Seems very odd to me.  So, on Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed home from work (except a meeting on Tuesday) and put my "tried and true surefire hasn't failed me yet if only the whole world would try it we could probably get rid of colds forever" cure.  What is it, you ask?  Blow your nose.  Blow your nose a lot.  I mean, REALLY BLOW YOUR NOSE!  All the time.  It's my theory that the virus is in that mucus (the more polite term, you know) and the best thing to do is get it out of you.  It doesn't help to just dry it out because the virus is still there - just dormant.  You gotta get it out of you.  Especially before it starts getting into your lungs.  Get it out.  I blow my nose so much it feels raw (although, luckily it didn't look as red as it felt).  AND, if I feel a little cough coming - I gargle.  Now, that part of the cure is still in the theoretical stage...it's just a hunch.  It worked this time, but I'm not sure it will work every time.  The blow nose strategy?  That's a winner.  Works every time.  I was fine on Thursday - cold is gone.  YAY!!!!

**I painted little ATC size cards with all my paint colors.  I have to admit, some of them look like they're the same color.  I have a few yellows that I can't even tell the difference.  That makes me feel silly for buying so much paint when I didn't know what I was doing.  

 **I did NOT win the lottery.  I can't properly express how much I want to win the lottery for millions of dollars.  

**Tonight MTF invited me to Oregon Ballet Theater's "A Midsummer Night's Dream".  It was a nice program.  

**I'm still experiencing life transitions.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Lost Season 6 Episode 6

This conversation from tonight's episode drives me crazy...

Your friends, Shepherd and Reyes, do you know where they went?

No I don’t.  Why is Claire here?  And what was she talking about?

She’s a confused girl.  Under the influence of an angry man. 

What man?

For years, he has been trapped.  But now Jacob’s gone, he is free.  This man will not stop until he has destroyed every living thing on this island.  He is evil incarnate. 

And you want me to speak with him?

No.  I want you to kill him.  He will come to you as someone you know; someone who has died.  As soon as you see him, plunge this deep into his chest.  If you allow him to speak it is already too late.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve been drowned, beaten and tortured, at your hands.  Why would I ever do anything for you?

You said that there is still good in your soul.  Then prove it.

In what world is killing good?  And, to prove he's good, Sayid has to kill?  How does Sayid know the one asking him to kill is good? It makes no sense.  What makes even less sense is that when I hit play on the DVR and come back from commercial - Sayid will have accepted the conversation and gone out to see Locke.
I just can't get over how gullible or ? these people are.  I wouldn't have moved an inch until he explained himself to my satisfaction.  This is why Lost can be trying.