Forty-fourth Day

January 5, 2014

This afternoon I went to Issaquah to pick up some stamps I purchased (shh - don't tell, they were 20% off). I stopped at Michael's afterward to pick up some jute.  

MFJ called to see how I was doing re LJB and all that.

I sat in my car and watched SUV's go in and out of that really busy parking area, while chatting it up.

I explained my mixed emotions and feelings about LJB and everything surrounding his death.  

And, I mentioned that I wasn't sure if anything happens after you die because I felt kind of empty.  I don't feel any spiritual connection to LJB right now. 

MFJ talked about how important it is - if we assume there really isn't anything after death - to appreciate the beautiful moments in this life for what they are - beautiful and now.

The way he was talking reminded me of a poem I picked up when I was a teenager.

If you want to be happy

Begin where you are

Don't wait for some rapture

That's future and far

Begin to be joyous

Begin to be glad

And soon you'll forget

You were ever sad.

I took that from a book called Apples of Gold that my Grandma got me when I was a teenager full of angst and longing to fit in.  I was very sensitive and my feelings were hurt all the time because of - well, junior high and high school.  

I saw this poem and it made me think if I didn't want to walk around like a sad sack with my feelings hurt all the time, I could think about just choosing to be happy.

It helped.

(As a side note, my college friends Kathy and Melanie - English majors at the time - called my favorite poem 'trite' when I told them about it when I was 19 or 20)

It didn't occur to me until I was in my 30's that the poem mentioned the Rapture and was a call to Christians to forget about what they might get in heaven - they should try to be happy here on Earth.

And now - here it was again.  It sprung to mind very quickly while I listened to MFJ talk and thought about appreciating things here and now.  I've had this conversation for years with MFJ as we talked about Eckhart Tolle.  But, that poem hadn't crossed my mind.

But, this afternoon it did and I felt that power of living in the moment and for a little bit it felt like a little miracle because it made me think it came to me because someone (LJB? Grandma?) wanted me to know that there really IS something else beyond.  They were sending me a little reminder by way of that poem.  

Even though the poem is about living in this moment with no regard for what heaven may bring us in the hereafter, it was - for me in that moment - a message from the hereafter to be happy with these moments.  

(Honestly, there was a flash of insight at that moment that brought it all full circle for me, and right now I can't remember what that was - that elusive spiritual insight that if we don't catch right away is hard to describe with words and memory).

I felt a truly spiritual connection and got a little bit of a teary eye. I thanked MFJ because I felt like because of that conversation I had been reminded there IS more to this life than Earth - but it doesn't matter right now.  We should still enjoy this life.

On the way home (west on I-90) I had the special pleasure of seeing the Olympic Mountains rising up beyond the skyline of Seattle and in my rearview mirror I saw the Cascade Mountains.

That was another little message from LJB, I think.

And it made me happy.

(Even as I'm writing this I feel a bit of the teary eye - it's love shining through)