1001

I've decided to start writing in my blog again.  Coincidentally, it seems like a perfect time because based on what I see when I sign in to Blogger...

...this will be blog post 1001.
By the way, I suspect 22000 of those page views are me looking at my own blog!

Congratulations to me!

I'm not sure what to expect this time around.
I'm not even sure it will help.
As I'm writing (editing/rewriting) this post, attempting to explain what I hope to accomplish by writing on the blog this time around, I realize a big part of my desire is to write and wrestle with the raw feelings of anger and fear I feel, particularly after the election.

I want to stop being polite and start getting real.
Ironically, I want to be less 'politically correct'.

Many people who voted for Donald Trump liked that he spoke his mind.
I'd like to do the same.
I'd like to tell people they're stupid and mean and short-sighted and hypocritical and selfish and crazy and angry.

Unfortunately, I can't do that with impunity.

If I spoke my mind in such an emotional, negative way I'd feel ashamed of myself.
I'd be ashamed for losing control, for not making a constructive statement, for hurting people's feelings, for not being loving.  I would feel defensive after I'd done it and then that would make me even more angry.

I realize though, this blog, along with Twitter, is ALSO not the place for lashing out and expressing anger and frustration because it's going to be here forever.  I would still feel ashamed.

Two Things:
One
When I was a teenager and into my early 20's I wrote in notebooks all the time.  I had pencil or pen and paper and I let EVERYTHING out!  Each and every slight and phone call and thought.  After a few years I threw them all out because I didn't want to remember how 'human' I was - silly, pathetic, obsessive, naive, mewling, desperately seeking love and attention and approval.
I think I'm still that person, unfortunately.
The key here is that I was able to throw those notebooks out and nobody knows except me.
A blog won't give me that freedom from the past.
I can't freely explore those negative feelings in this forum without permanently imprinting it on my bio - which I don't want to do.

Two
Just like many of the angry Trump supporters, I feel angry that I can't say and do what I want to do without consequences, and I also feel like no one hears me. I want ME to be heard.
Is this blog the place to do that?
Only if I remain respectful and constructive.
I envision a time 500 years in the future when historians are searching through gazillion bits of data on the internet for a true look at life in the late 20th and early 21st century.  Okay - I get it, there are plenty of other people who have more interesting blogs than mine.  The historians will be satisfied by those and YouTube videos. So...
I envision a time 1000 years in the future when historians are searching through twenty gazillion bits of data on the internet for a life that hasn't yet been written about and examined - a life so small and insignificant that the other historians passed it by.  THAT'S when I'll gain notoriety...the last unexamined life!  And for that reason - my thoughts are VERY IMPORTANT!!!  HA!



Just like all those years ago when I would write my way to the correct answer in my notebooks, I believe I've found the correct answer here as well.
I WILL NOT use this blog to work out my emotional issues.
I WILL use this blog to post my public thoughts about things that I'm interested in.

I bet if I read through past blog posts I'd discover that I made this decision years ago as well.
That just goes to show you I have not grown one iota in the last several years!!!

This post is a little too 'working it out' drama, but because it's 1001, I'll let it go.

Have a wonderful day!!!