Hey!! I'm an introvert!

Personal confessional time:

I'm having profound and exciting re-realizations this afternoon!
I call them RE-realizations because I was told I'm an introvert within the last year, but today it feels shiny and fresh.  I'm reading what other introverts have to say about their lives and I can't believe how closely they mirror my thoughts.
Wow.
I'm mad at myself for feeling ashamed and 'less than' because I don't know how to enjoy a lot of socializing.  I've been afraid the only reason I enjoy being alone is because I'm avoiding my inadequacies.
Bah!
All my life I've lamented the fact that I don't fit in anywhere.  I've thought there must be a flaw in me and how I relate to people in the world.
Now I'm thinking my flaw was that I allowed myself to feel bad because I couldn't be like the 'happy' ones.

**

I'm reading "Awakening the Buddhist Heart" in which the author, Lama Surya Das says "Life is about relationship - the relationship we have with ourselves, with each other, with the world, as well as the connection to that which is beyond any of us yet immament in each of us."

It made me think about my relationships - friends and lovers, family and acquaintances.  Although I'm very open, I hold people at a distance so I can afford time on my own.  I like to be involved but not too involved so no one will worry when I need to be alone.  I can't have too many friends because I'll feel obligated to be more busy than I'm comfortable with.

I realized that I don't necessarily want to be alone, but I don't want to feel sapped of energy when I'm around people.
I'd like to have a group of friends that make me as comfortable in their presence as I am when I'm alone.
I'd like to have a life partner that understands I need my alone time.

Ahhh...the rightness of that understanding resonated happily all through my body.

**

Now how am I supposed to find that special person if I like to be alone????

I checked the internet and found these articles that could have been written by me (though I wouldn't have written it as well!).  It almost makes me cry and saddens me that all these years I've attached so many feelings of inadequacy to myself for no good reason - only because I'm not like the majority of people.
Grrrrr...

Introverts strike back from Hunter Nuttall.com

Caring for you Introvert by Jonathan Rauch
Follow-up to Jonathan Rauch's article